“Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I’ve said before, bugs in amber.”

Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies- God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.

All this happened, more or less.

There is no beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time.

The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.

Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.

Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go around looking for it, and I think it can be poisonous. I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, ‘Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency’.

And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It’s good for you.

My life is nothing but room for you. I said. It could never be filled by anyone but you.

We’d been apart so long-I’d been dead so long, she said in English. I thought surely you’d built a new life, with no room in it for me. I’d hoped that.

And Lot’s wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes.

She hated people who thought too much. At that moment, she struck me as an appropriate representative for almost all mankind.

The nicest veterans, the kindest and funniest ones, the ones who hated war the most, were the ones who’d really fought.

Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon.

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Man is an animal which, alone among the animals, refuses to be satisfied by the fulfillment of animal desires.

As a camel kneels before his master to have him remove his burden at the end of the day, so kneel each night and let the Master take your burden.

Defend the Bible? I’d sooner defend a lion. You don’t defend the Bible; you open its cage and let it roar.

You never know how a horse will pull until you hook him to a heavy load.

A time will come when instead of shepherds feeding the sheep, the church will have clowns entertaining the goats.

Having a teenage daughter is like riding a young horse over an unknown steeplechase course. You don’t know when to pull up the reins, when to let the horse have its head – or what.

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.