Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT