I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
STEVE MARTINI believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
STEVE MARTIN