“I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.”

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

Be so good they can’t ignore you.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.

I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.

With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.

I have found that– just as in real life–imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.

I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

If you have two loaves of bread, keep one to nourish the body, but sell the other to buy hyacinths for the soul.

Never be ashamed of your problems, your body, yourself. You are worth life.

I’m not a model – I have curves. I find things that accentuate my body, a woman’s body, and I always wear things that I feel comfortable in.

The soul should take care of the body, just as the pilgrim on his way to Makkah takes care of his camel; but if the pilgrim spends his whole time in feeding and adorning his camel, the caravan will leave him behind, and he will perish in the desert.

Know, O beloved, that man was not created in jest or at random, but marvelously made and for some great end. Although he is not form everlasting, yet he lives for ever; and though his body is mean and earthly, yet his spirit is lofty and divine.

I don’t think I’m fixed. People think that you’re like a car in a body shop. You go in, they fix you, and you’re out. It takes constant fixing.

From the body of one guilty deed a thousand ghostly fears and haunting thoughts proceed.

I often think that a slightly exposed shoulder emerging from a long satin nightgown packs more sex than two naked bodies in bed.