Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Clones are people two.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT






