Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
JOAN RIVERSSome women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
JOAN RIVERSOne of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERSLife is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
JOAN RIVERSOn her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
JOAN RIVERSKeep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERSPeople say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERSI knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERSWhy should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERSDon’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERSLife is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
JOAN RIVERSLife goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERSI’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERSYou know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
JOAN RIVERSI have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERSI hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
JOAN RIVERS