“Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.”

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.

Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.

Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

The Internet is neither good nor bad. It’s neutral – it becomes for each of us exactly what we bring to it.

I think I am a good role model, and a lot of mothers come up to me and they’re really happy, and I think if any girl follows their dreams then anything can happen to them.

I think we all do our own thing and we all have our own talents, but it’s good to know that you have a family tree of success so if you need the help on your journey to success then you can look around and see it around you.

If the opposition disarms, well and good. If it refuses to disarm, we shall disarm it ourselves.

Visit many good books, but live in the Bible.

Endorsements are a reward for good performance on the field, and the commitments made after signing them need to be done.

Trust is good, but control is better.

Life is a conversation. Make it a good one.