“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.”

Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.

In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.

Old age is always ten years more than we are.

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.

Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

I just get so happy when I think about the fact that I get to do what I love every day as a job.

Happiness is not to be found in knowledge, but in the acquisition of knowledge.

I used to wonder if it was God’s plan that I should be alone for so much of my life. But I found peace. I found happiness within people and the world

You will never be able to find happiness if you stay attached to the wrong person and don’t move on.

I had to take that risk for my inner peace and to be happy with myself.

Be the future what it may, our happiness in the present is far more complete if we live an upright life.

It is a happiness to wonder; it is a happiness to dream.

Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness.