Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDSI cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS