Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSI cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS