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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

W. C. Fields

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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Popular Authors

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