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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

W. C. Fields

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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