I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDSI’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS -
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS -
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS -
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS