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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

W. C. Fields

Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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