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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

W. C. Fields

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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