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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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Myself Religious

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I never eat before breakfast.
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Eat Myself One Liner
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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Born Lose People
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Belief Trust Yourself
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Trust Yourself
I never met a kid I liked.
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Children Myself One Liner
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Alcohol Myself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Children Parents Tough
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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Death Necessary Sex Yourself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Doctor Togetherness
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Destroy Myself See

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