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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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