Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDSJust like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS