No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDSJust like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS