Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDSJust like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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I never eat before breakfast.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS






