A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDSIf you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS