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I never eat before breakfast.

W. C. Fields

Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself

I never eat before breakfast.

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I never eat before breakfast.

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