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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

W. C. Fields

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

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