black
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

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