Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDSI spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS -
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS -
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS