black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

W. C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

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