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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

W. C. Fields

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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