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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

W. C. Fields

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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