black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

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