My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLENNever comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I have a thing for tools.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
TIM ALLEN






