To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
TIM ALLENNever comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN