I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLENNever comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLEN