Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLENKids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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I have a thing for tools.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLEN






