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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?

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Control Death Game Yourself

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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Death Myself Quote Right Talk Word
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Forest Funny Himself Man Nature Woman Wrong
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Appointment Dental Eat Herself Time Visit Wait
Half the people you know are below average.
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Average Level People Yourself
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Bad Conscience Memories
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Children Deep Difference Growth Learning Old Philosophy See Teaching Yourself
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Drive Learning Yourself
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Heaven Hell Hot Rise Temperature Warm
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Appearance Different Fingers Hands
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Distance Time Walk Yourself
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Darkness Device Myself

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