Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT