Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Clones are people two.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT