If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT






