You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHTI just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Clones are people two.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT