I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTTell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT