If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHTI put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT