If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT