I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHTThe other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTMonday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHTImagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHTIn my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHTThe early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHTIs it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHTI wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHTI think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHTNo one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT