If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT