Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHTClones are people two.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT






