I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHTClones are people two.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT