My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHTClones are people two.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT