If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHTShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT