Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHTShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT