I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT






