The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHTShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Clones are people two.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT