Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT






