How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT