If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHTIs it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT






