How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHTIs it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT