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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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