It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT






