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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

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Break Up Imagination Myself Relationship

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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself

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