I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT