Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTINI thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
STEVE MARTIN