I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
STEVE MARTINWhen I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
STEVE MARTIN






