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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.

Steve Martin

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTIN

Doctor Funny Goodness Myself Sick
With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
STEVE MARTIN

Audience Comedy Goodness Greatness Ideas Response Work Yourself
I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
STEVE MARTIN

Breathe Business Mistake Myself Worst
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
STEVE MARTIN

Hard Time Night Shine Sun Yourself
How many people have never raised their hand before?
STEVE MARTIN

Deep Hands People Question Voice
I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTIN

Animal Funny Goodness Important Laughter Learning Myself Sex
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
STEVE MARTIN

Believe Equality Myself Stupidity
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
STEVE MARTIN

Break Up Cheating Herself Myself Woman
I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
STEVE MARTIN

Deep Emotion Happiness Myself Sad Time
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
STEVE MARTIN

Alcohol Drink Poet Team Writing
It’s pain that changes our lives.
STEVE MARTIN

Change Live One Liner Ourselves Pain
Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
STEVE MARTIN

Different Goodness Myself People Promise Talk Unique
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
STEVE MARTIN

Criticize Himself Man Walk Way Yourself
I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
STEVE MARTIN

Astrology Believe Luck Myself
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
STEVE MARTIN

Honesty Myself Pay Work
I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTIN

Body Funny Home Myself Play Stay Woman

I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.

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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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