I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
STEVE MARTINI actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
STEVE MARTIN






