Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN