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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

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Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Appearance Funny Myself Time
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Children Dog Funny Rich
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Beautiful Eyes
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Funny Himself Marriage Perfection
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Listening Myself Pain Talk
Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Funny Heart Love Nation Patriot Yourself
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Death Himself Man
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Father Greatness Himself Inspirational Mad
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Occasion Protection
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Class Expectation Morning Yourself
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Animal Education Funny Start
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Chance Happiness Money Myself
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Myself Sick Yourself

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