Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






