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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

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Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
In the human race today, you came last.
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Human Race Yourself
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Death Eat Hungry Myself
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
I told you I was sick.
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Myself One Liner Sick
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Joke Laughter Myself Sing
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Death Far Laughter Live Time
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Myself Talk
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Age Confusion Father Myself Name
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Death Myself Plant Return
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Coward Hero Legs Myself
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Food Invention Reason
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Born Death Myself People
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Enough Food Politics

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