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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Happy Met Twenty Wife Year

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bee Butcher Kid Told Wife
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

All Life Pick Pocket Sex
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Arm Bone Dog Favorite My
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Back Car Drive Want Wife
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Around Came Carry Father Picture Wallet
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Broke Game Hockey Night Other Out Went
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Frink Last Much Olive Sample Time Too
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Ask How Big People Pet Store Work
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Country Dog Every Leave Pyramid Room Some
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Brown Sie Told Uncle Wear Wish Yellow
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough

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