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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Happy Met Twenty Wife Year

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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Everyone Fruit Hear Met Morning Ridiculous Underwear Yet
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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