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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Happy Met Twenty Wife Year

Bagwalas

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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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