My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






