When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD