On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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