Humor Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Humor with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Humor quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I’m not even white. I’m off-white. It’s a new race; we will prevail!
MITCH HEDBERG

Appearance Funny Humor Race
When I sell liquor, it’s bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it’s hospitality.
AL CAPONE

Alcohol Drink Funny Humor
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said ‘I hear music,’ as though there’s any other way to take it in. ‘You’re not special. That’s how I receive it too, I tried to taste it, but it did not work’.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Music Philosophy
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Guy Humor
I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLA

Finished Funny Humor Masturbatory Pizza Session Two
Humor is probably the most significant characteristics of the human mind. Far more significant than reason. In fact, reason is actually a very cheap commodity.
EDWARD DE BONO

Cheap Human Humor Mindset Reason
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor
You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
MITCH HEDBERG

Appearance Funny Humor Nice
The Australian sense of humor is very dry, sarcastic, and very undercover. Like if I tell any jokes in America, people just think I’m serious! So I just quit telling any jokes whatsoever.
HEATH LEDGER

Dry Humor Myself People Sarcastic Serious Thinking
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
WILL ROGERS

Funny Humor Theory Woman
A God who cannot smile, could not have created this humorous universe.
SRI AUROBINDO

God Humor Smile Universe
One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Ghost Humor Room
I want to ride in a cold air balloon. “This isn’t going anywhere!”
MITCH HEDBERG

Air Funny Humor
I like bawdy humor. I love bawdy humor, but not dirty humor.
BETTY WHITE

Dirty Humor Myself Preference
We’re lost, but we’re making good time.
YOGI BERRA

Baseball Humor Lost Time
I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor People
If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Funny Humor Running
Comedy is the most difficult. Comic timing is something which you either have it in you, or you don’t. You have to have a good sense of humour to be able to understand it. A split second can make you lose the punch.
DEEPIKA PADUKONE

Comedy Difficult Funny Goodness Humor Lose Time Understand Yourself
I’ve heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
RONALD REAGAN

Chance Hard Work Humor Kill
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
MITCH HEDBERG

Drug Funny Humor
For me, a lot of the humor comes not from innocence but from characters trying to figure out how to get what they need. I don’t try to be funny, but am relieved when an opportunity comes up for humor.
AKHIL SHARMA

Character Come Figure Humor Innocence Opportunity Trying
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
MITCH HEDBERG

Drunk Funny Humor Mess
Humor is the foundation of reconciliation.
ST FRANCIS DE SALES

Foundation Humor
On a traffic light green means ‘go’ and yellow means ‘yield’, but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means ‘hold on,’ yellow means ‘go ahead,’ and red means, ‘where the hell did you get that banana at?’
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Mean
I don’t think it’s possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS

Humor Possible Thinking Tragedy
We’ve got to have a little humor in our lives. You had better take seriously that which should be taken seriously but, at the same time, we can bring in a touch of humor now and again. If the time ever comes when we can’t smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time.
GORDON B. HINCKLEY

Better Humor Live Sadness Serious Time Touch
My sense of humor will always stand in the way of my seeing myself, my family, my race or my nation as the whole intent of the universe.
ZORA NEALE HURSTON

Family Humor Myself Nation See

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