Topic
Funny Quotes
900 quotes
Short funny quotes from writers, poets and thinkers. Copy one, share it, or download it as an image.
Homeboy was the apple of my eye, now he’s the onion that makes me cry.
N’Gadie RobertsN’Gadie Roberts Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
Bill MaherBill Maher Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
Steve MartinSteve Martin Don’t be yourself, be a pizza. Everyone loves pizza.
PewDiePiePewDiePie I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.
Andy RooneyAndy Rooney I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, “this is not a library!” “OK! I will talk louder, then!”
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I change my mind so much I need two boyfriends and a girlfriend.
PinkPink If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I never thought I was funny. I don’t THINK funny.
Lucille BallLucille Ball How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike MilliganSpike Milligan When you are with your friends, control your tongue.
Stuart PetersonStuart Peterson And you have fast become my weakness, even as you remain my source of strength.
Alma-May NoaAlma-May Noa No one else is on your path so why should their limits be?
Elezabeth SymondElezabeth Symond I heard many tongues in many languages saying that people cannot be Gods, and that’s a given. But what if people don’t know what was given to them?
Nikol MejdnNikol Mejdn Pride – it screams a lot louder than love sometimes.
L.T. PhoenixL.T. Phoenix Messed up people even see the beauty in all the shitty places.
Lara-LeanLara-Lean