Funny Quotes

Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I would be so scared if I was a gay guy; you’ll, like, die of AIDS.

Common sense needs to be more common.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

I’m whispering so that the media doesn’t hear me.

I know I been bald but I just wanted to remind y’all I’m still that bitch.

There is a syndrome in sports called ‘paralysis by analysis.’

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.

When Shah Rukh stated, “Bhootnath… will be among the top three hits of the year!”, I told him, “Aapke moonh mein dudh, ghee, shakkar sab!