Funny Quotes

I have definitely had guys walk up to me, put their arm around me, and when they walk away, my shoulder smells like taco meat.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

Nowadays, everybody wanna be weird. We know how to manifest being weird.

I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?

I ain’t afraid to love a man. I ain’t afraid to shoot him either.

I make funny videos of me playing video games, and I share those moments.

Travel becomes a strategy for accumulating photographs.

All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

They teach anything in universities today. You can major in mud pies.