I’ve had so many rebirths, I should come with my own midwife by now.
CherCher Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
Lily TomlinLily Tomlin Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
Steve MartinSteve Martin Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
Steven WrightSteven Wright I can at any moment convert my time into money, but I do not require more of the latter than is sufficient for necessary purposes.
Michael FaradayMichael Faraday Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma BombeckErma Bombeck I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven WrightSteven Wright I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven WrightSteven Wright Don’t love someone to get into a relationship, love someone to create a partnership.
Aaron BellAaron Bell When will the leaves begin to change in this body of mine?
Mila AlexandrovnaMila Alexandrovna Are you willing to trust yourself and do what needs to be done in order to be who you were meant to be?
Nansia MovidiNansia Movidi The idea that we are so capable of love but still choose to be toxic.
Rupi KaurRupi Kaur I am an arrow – Put me in your bow and let fly. Let this story go by in the blink of an eye.
Bisma IjazBisma Ijaz And you have fast become my weakness, even as you remain my source of strength.
Alma-May NoaAlma-May Noa
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