Funny Quotes

I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.

Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result.

We made a plan at school to meet in her garage and kiss. It was like this little business deal. I kissed her and then I ran home

Women and elephants never forget.

If you ask me, I’d like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn’t look very cozy.

That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

It’s the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I can ask for cigarettes in every language.