“It’s the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife.”

When you get arrested it’s in big letters. When you get acquitted it’s in small letters.

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.

Social media is where losers go to feel important.

I’m not paid to be a role model. I’m paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court.

Being black or white isn’t an accomplishment. What you do with your life – or what you accomplish with your life – dictates what you should be proud of.

When I speak to kids I tell them, ‘Hey, you think your parents are a pain in the ass now, but they’re going to get smarter as you get older.’

I’d never buy my girl a watch… she’s already got a clock over the stove.

I don’t think of myself as giving interviews. I just have conversations. That gets me in trouble.

I just wish all these young black kids would realize how significant it is to stop acting a fool out there, killing each other, not getting their education. You know, people have died to put us in a situation to be successful.

You know it’s going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black.

Poor people cannot rely on the government to come to help you in times of need. You have to get your education. Then nobody can control your destiny.

Well, all I can say is that people know I’m not saying anything out of malice.

People say I eat a lot. I really don’t. More or less I just eat all the time.

You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I’m the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right.

Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn’t know anything about it personally but I’ve heard about it through the grapevine.

As long as anti-gay legislation exists in any state, I strongly believe big events such as the Final Four and Super Bowl should not be held in those states’ cities.

I’m a giraffe. I even walk like a giraffe with a long neck and legs. It’s a pretty dumb animal, mind you.

I don’t like to run. I don’t like to jump up and down. Being a big girl and having a bosom, I injure myself! It upsets me, I have to hold my two things. I just can’t jog, there’s something in the way.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I’m gonna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked.

As funny as some photos can be, think twice about allowing yourself to be tagged in questionable photos.

Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.