“Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime.”

Suspense is like a woman. The more left to the imagination, the more the excitement.

For me, suspense doesn’t have any value if it’s not balanced by humor.

Luck is everything… My good luck in life was to be a really frightened person. I’m fortunate to be a coward, to have a low threshold of fear, because a hero couldn’t make a good suspense film.

There is nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever.

San Francisco would be a good location for a murder mystery.

A woman of mystery is one who also has a certain maturity and whose actions speak louder than words. Any woman can be one, if she keeps those two points in mind. She should grow up-and shut up.

It’s only a movie, and, after all, we’re all grossly overpaid.

Film your murders like love scenes, and film your love scenes like murders.

Puns are the highest form of literature.

For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake.

I was an uncommonly unattractive young man.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.

I’m frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me.

Even my failures make money and become classics a year after I make them.

Self-plagiarism is style.

I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.

Don’t be like me. Be better than me. That’s the goal.

The last 29 days of the month are the toughest!

Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.

Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.