Funny Quotes
Government is not a solution to our problem government is the problem.
Ronald ReaganRonald Reagan I like girls who are intelligent, somewhat funny, and pretty with a nice personality.
Leonardo DiCaprioLeonardo DiCaprio One must never set up a murder. They must happen unexpectedly, as in life.
Alfred HitchcockAlfred Hitchcock To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
Oscar WildeOscar Wilde Everybody has a different idea of love. One girl I know said, “I knew he loved me when de didn’t come in my mouth.
Andy WarholAndy Warhol A smile can get you far, but a smile with a gun can get you further.
Al CaponeAl Capone April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
Ambrose BierceAmbrose Bierce Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrupting.
Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill Life is a funny thing, the minute you think you’ve got everything figured out something comes along and turns it all upside down.
Zayn MalikZayn Malik On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
H. L. MenckenH. L. Mencken I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add “er”.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life saying the right thing at the right time is beyond crucial.
Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg There is a syndrome in sports called ‘paralysis by analysis.’
Arthur AsheArthur Ashe I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
George CarlinGeorge Carlin She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx