Funny Quotes

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each.

I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

My wife wants me to eat fish; she says it is delicious. But I don’t like fish, so that is that.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Poor empty pants with nobody inside them.

I am a big foodie, so much so that I eat in every half an hour. This is the secret of my glowing skin.

People can cry much easier than they can change.

Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office.’