“A smile can get you far, but a smile with a gun can get you further.”

It’s a racket. Those stock market guys are crooked.

When I sell liquor, it’s bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it’s hospitality.

Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class.

Now I know why tigers eat their young.

Hell must be a pretty swell spot, because the guys that invented religion have sure been trying hard to keep everybody else out.

Bolshevism is knocking at our gates, we can’t afford to let it in.We must keep America whole and safe and unspoiled. We must keep the worker away from red literature and red ruses; we must see that his mind remains healthy.

I have built my organization upon fear.

You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Some call it bootlegging. Some call it racketeering. I call it a business.

I am sick and tired of publicity. I want no more of it. It puts me in a bad light. I just want to be forgotten.

My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they’re going to stay that way.

Vote early and vote often.

I am like any other man. All I do is supply a demand.

Be careful who you call your friends. I’d rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies.

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

You accomplish more with a smile, a handshake, and a gun than you do with just a smile and a handshake.

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I have definitely had guys walk up to me, put their arm around me, and when they walk away, my shoulder smells like taco meat.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?