Funny Quotes
I think that I’m so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that I could do something really interesting.
Megan FoxMegan Fox If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again.
Paris HiltonParis Hilton I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, “Don’t worry, Dude. I won’t say anything.”
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?
Charles de GaulleCharles de Gaulle Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
Joan RiversJoan Rivers Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
Stephen HawkingStephen Hawking Pirate was going to be my middle name, but then my uncle had a problem with it because pirates are bad.
Billie EilishBillie Eilish When I was a kid in Houston, we were so poor we couldn’t afford the last 2 letters, so we called ourselves po’.
George ForemanGeorge Foreman It’s funny when you coming in first but you hope that you’re last, you just hope that it last.
DrakeDrake Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that’s good taste.
Lucille BallLucille Ball The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ but ‘That’s funny.’
Isaac AsimovIsaac Asimov A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
George Bernard ShawGeorge Bernard Shaw I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg Ask no questions and you’ll hear no lies.
James JoyceJames Joyce