“If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again.”

My kitchen looks like the one from my childhood – very homey, with a little bit of Alice in Wonderland!

A life without orgasms is like a world without flowers.

If I could read a book, I’d definitely read one of yours.

Every girl is beautiful if they have the ability to believe in themselves.

I would say natural is the best way to describe the real me. I’m not always going out or dressed up like I am on the red carpet. On a normal day, I wear normal clothes and wear little to no make-up. I’m always a bit girly, though.

I got my eye on you boy, and when I get my eye on something, it’s like search and destroy.

I don’t think there’s ever been anyone like me that’s lasted. And I’m going to keep on lasting.

I get half a million just to show up at parties. My life is, like, really, really fun.

When you’re in the public eye, it’s wrong to cheat on someone, unless you’re very careful. If you’re normal and no one’s going to know, then do it.

The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.

Life is too short to blend in.

I’m not like anybody else. I’m like an American princess.

I think I am a good role model, and a lot of mothers come up to me and they’re really happy, and I think if any girl follows their dreams then anything can happen to them.

I’m very scared to do it. What if I don’t come back? With the whole light-years thing, what if I come back 10,000 years later, and everyone I know is dead? I’ll be like, ‘Great. Now I have to start all over’.

You need to look like a lady at the Oscars. Otherwise, Joan Rivers will tear you apart. Then again, you aren’t really anyone till Joan Rivers tears you apart.

The only rule is don’t be boring.

The cynic is one who never sees a good quality in a man, and never fails to see a bad one. He is the human owl, vigilant in darkness and blind to light, mousing for vermin, and never seeing noble game.

The cure for bad politics is the same as the cure for tuberculosis. It is living in the open.

Being misunderstood is not a bad thing as an actor. I know the truth.

Whatever it is however bad I’m so glad you’re still here.

There’s always a better word than a swear word.

I had never given much thought to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love doesn’t seem like such a bad way to go.

There’s quite a lot of bad stuff written about me. My wife even says a lot of bad stuff about me. But she is wonderful.

In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.