W. C. Fields Quotes

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself