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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!

Related Topics

Beautiful Bribe Comedy Everything Goes Got Realize Somebody Step Train

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Love Man Marry Money Nothing Tennis
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
PHYLLIS DILLER

Hate Mingle Moher Once Orphanage Told Took
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLER

All Life Own Real Thing
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Comedy Revisited Tragedy
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ago Ask Fresh Grass Hour Lady Milk Said Three Waiter
Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Before Enough Fiance Get Marry Meet Officer Parent Parole
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Jealous Mercy Pilead Talk
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Before Down Drink Fall Friend Health
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Drive License Made Most Now Old Sense Sixteen State Year
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror

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