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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!

Related Topics

Beautiful Bribe Comedy Everything Goes Got Realize Somebody Step Train

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Accidental Day Enjoy Ever Gin Iron Only Steam Time
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Brisk Excercise Good Idea Sit
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Aim Fool High Off Shoot
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Ask Country Football Good Hairdresser Helmet Look People Person Say
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Love Man Marry Money Nothing Tennis
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Appendix Back Divorce Husband Like Put Remarry
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Glove Love Old Sport Through
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Best Eat Getmrid Kitchen Odor Out Way
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bd Commemorate Cook Country Kid Person Thanksgiving Through
You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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Airbag Now Old Walkertr
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Hat On Screw Wrinkle

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