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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!

Related Topics

Beautiful Bribe Comedy Everything Goes Got Realize Somebody Step Train

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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